A Man’s Guide to Dating After Divorce

A friend of mine recently found himself single after many years of marriage. He said he was totally blindsided when his wife told him she wanted out. In his opinion, the marriage was a little boring but OK. Now that the divorce was final, he was scared to start dating but unwilling to face the rest of his life alone.

What to do? We all know the statistics about failed marriages. This means there are more older men and women back in the dating game. It does not have to be a white knuckle experience. With some thought and planning, you can get back in the game.

1. Take stock of who you are now; your likes, dislikes, good qualities and bad.

2. Give some thought to your personal standards; looking for a one-night stand or hoping for something more.

3. Get support from existing friends and family but consider a new group of friends who are not familiar with your ex.

4. Know your self worth; being an older single can be a good thing.

5. Get out there; spend more time on existing hobbies and try new things.

Fear of being alone is a reason to want to date but it is probably not the best reason to try and re-enter the dating world. Women can smell fear. Worse, it may cause you to make dating mistakes you will live to regret.

It took guts for my friend to admit his fear. It turns out that once he started talking about it he was able to see that he had not been happy in the marriage either. He started thinking about what he did want instead of what he did not want.

Powerful stuff! He realized that the end of his marriage was also the beginning of a new life. He took time to get to know his own self worth. He said he was not interested in dating just so he would not be alone.

My friend did end up dating but he took his time. He got back in the game on his own terms. For him this meant going to events alone, trying out new interests, asking for support from old and new friends and several “dry run” dates just to test the waters.

Overcoming the fear of being alone is step number one in getting back into dating after divorce. The next step is giving yourself time to heal from the emotional upheaval of the divorce itself. It is a good idea to wait a few months to start dating; otherwise you do not really deal with your issues and will probably find yourself making the same mistakes again.